Now before I begin, I'm really hoping this doesn't turn into a "woe is me" sort of blog. This is certainly isn't my intention. I find relaxation and comfort in writing which I don't get to do much of these days. Well, let's be honest, I write a lot these days, but not much for pleasure. Don't get me wrong, I love writing sermons, but I don't get to put nearly as many jokes in those as I'd like (as one of textbooks said to shy away from too many jokes). Apparently the author of that book doesn't know that is all I have.
Recently I have been running a little fast. I'm pretty sure I passed Usain Bolt while going from church to school earlier this week. I'm to the point where I'm hovering above the melt-down, uncontrollable crying (yes my tear ducts actually do work), major stress eating, and collapsing in my bed because I'm beyond exhausted. Going to seminary full-time and working full-time is fun right? It will get easier right?
Case and point: A few weeks ago, I was up feverishly writing things for a sermon until 4:30 AM (only to find out in class I really didn't need the final copy or completion...neat). That morning when I was trying to get dressed, I definitely tried to put my jeans on without underwear on. Commando is not my usual choice. Although if this semester continues at the pace it is, laundry will surely cease to happen and I'll be revisiting my views on going commando. TMI? Sure hope they still ordain me.
Then to explain the picture, this past week was another fine example at the rate I am going. On Valentines, I definitely only shaved one leg because I was thinking of about 10,000 other things I needed to do. #wifeoftheyear Then the other day, I realized I forgot to put deodorant on. Good thing I figured that out after I walked to get lunch and walked back to campus. I mean, it was only 80 degrees here in Dallas. Did I mention I figured this out at 1 pm and I had class until 9 pm that night? I looked like a T-Rex as I typed and wrote during class. Are you getting that mental image? I desperately tried to keep my arms as close to my body. Sorry I didn't raise my hand to ask questions in class, Dr. McKenzie and Dr. Heller. I was simply looking out for everyone around me.
I am not very good at self-care. I am even worse at saying "no." I blame it on my extreme extrovertness. Yep, that is a word. I can't help that I try to cram every free moment with hangout time with people. I don't have a lot of free time so when I have any opening in my schedule, I want to be with people--so sue me. However, I've noticed recently a trend of me sacrificing a lot of myself rather than taking care of myself. Pastors have such a high burnout rate and my current schedule isn't exactly a cakewalk. I also find that I am dropping the ball on stuff because I am so scattered. Reason #1,754 I am thankful for my boss, Kay DeBlance, who still tells me I am doing a great job even when I mess up. Sorry to everyone in Crosswalk who has been checking the box to receive the weekly e-mail. I was about five...weeks...behind.
I decided I am going to start saying "no" a little more. I've never been good at it. Just ask the guy at LA Fitness who tricked me into buying three years of personal training. Those jerks were pushy and I am still mad about it. Scott, my husband, says I'm never allowed to go car shopping by myself because chances are I would give them more than the asking price. Totally sad. Totally true.
I am going to start this endeavor by guarding my calendar a little better. I am going to also spend a little more time unplugged and writing or reading just for my own soul. It is going to be a HUGE challenge for me. Please know if you ask to hang out or get together, I'm not blowing you off, but trying to take care of myself a little more. Be patient with me because believe me, I DO want to spend time with all of you.
In the meantime, I am forever grateful to Scott for being patient and helping me out so much. I realize more and more how grateful I am to be married to him. I wake up looking like one hot mess and he still tells me that I am adorable and that he is so glad he married me (go ahead and throw up.) For those of you that text to check in on me, offer to help with anything and everything, or even come up to church to help me, I am beyond thankful for you and love you more than you know. I hope I can repay the favor. I graduate in 2016.
I would encourage all of us take a little time for ourselves. Don't feel like you're selfish or a jerk for doing so, but breathe, rest, relax, and let your own soul get fed. You need it.
I think I may need to go do laundry...
P.S. For all you mothers out there, I don't know how you do it. I think my schedule is about .2% as demanding as yours are. You guys are rockstars. Fo' real. If any of you are up late feeding or something, chances are I am too! I'll be cuddling a book while you cuddle a baby. I think you win.